A few months ago, during one of the training program, I heard a sentence that changed my perspective completely due to the truth it held.
The sentence was: “People are PRIMARILY interested in themselves and not in YOU.” – Les Giblin
Understanding “Primary Interest” is very important here. You can also call it “Self-Interest.” Every person operates with their own self-interest. They are a thousand times more interested in themselves than in you. Even those who appear selfless or helpful usually act out of a sense of self-interest – to feel good, to feel fulfilled, or to experience happiness.
The application of this understanding is very broad. For example, say on a Sunday, you want rest, peace, or to read a novel while sipping coffee – that’s your primary interest. But your young kids might want to go play in the garden – that’s their primary interest. So, these little stubborn ones will try to wake you up early in the morning with full determination to fulfill their own interest. The moment you wake up, the first question will be – “When are we going to the garden?” You’ll try to stall or adjust the time, but they won’t accept it. They’ll keep bugging you while you brush, shower, and eat… until they finally drag you to the garden. That’s the power of primary interest – it’s something nature has given to all of us.
There are many such tasks at home – and getting them done from you becomes your wife’s primary interest. If these tasks are not done, the chaos and disturbance it can create are terrifying to imagine. On top of that, you might have a plan to meet your friends. So, when faced with such conflicting interests, someone’s primary interest gets compromised, and that can lead to deep frustration, pain, or distress.
So what should you do?
Start noting down all such situations where your primary interest gets compromised. These usually occur at home or in the office. Many times, we give up our self-interest thinking the other person might need it more – but don’t do that blindly. Be alert. Try to protect your own primary interest.
For that, prepare an SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) and act accordingly, for example:
1. Sunday + Children in Garden = Book Reading in Garden or Calling Close Friends
2. Sunday + Wife’s Work List = Permission to Party with Friends
Understanding the primary interests of your children, wife, friends, relatives, boss, colleagues, customers, etc. helps you deal with them peacefully – while also protecting your own primary interest.
How to deal with people is a skill – and this magical understanding is the starting point:
> “People are PRIMARILY interested in themselves and not in YOU.”
Thank you, Les Giblin.